How to write a Eulogy

15 July

A eulogy or a person’s life story is one of the greatest gifts that you can do for your loved one… but it can definitely be quite the challenge.

You’re likely experiencing a strong sense of grief and loss, confusions, lack of motivation and exhaustion.
I completely sympathise with how big this task can feel right now, but I want to assure you, that going through this experience can be cathartic and beautiful and help you gain your sense of closure.

I encourage you to be brave, be strong (in between moments of letting it all go) and do this for your person.
I promise you’ll feel better for the time and energy that you put in.

So.. where to start and what to write?!

Firstly, my recommendation is to try to avoid making it sound like a CV or get too caught up in timelines and basic facts.

By all means, mention dates etc if you like, but try to see this is a more like a story with peaks and troughs, comedy and drama, beginnings and endings.

You are one of the closest people to your loved one, don’t be afraid to share your version of their life, you’re the story-teller after all.

With all that in mind, here’s my top tips for getting it right.

Talk about when/where/how they entered this world and what life was like surrounding this momentous occasion.
What kind of child were they like? Happy? Precocious? Curious? Cheeky? Did they have siblings? If so, what was their relationship like?
How did they live their life?
What were their passions, hobbies, work, favourite things?
Who did they love most and what were those relationships about?
Don’t be afraid to speak the truth. If they were sometimes annoying, moody, bossy, stubborn… don’t pretend they weren’t.
People will appreciate mentioning those traits as well, trust me, they’re probably thinking it too!
In terms of their death, was it a long illness, sudden, tumultuous.. it’s ok to mention these things too, as it was part of their life, no matter the circumstances.
What kind of legacy are they leaving behind? I’m sure they would have appreciated you talking about it, so go to town!
Highlight their humanity. We’re all fallible; let’s celebrate that fact.
Talk with others and gather stories, tit-bits, anecdotes and most of all - support. It can be a daunting task doing it by yourself, so including others in the process could help.
Take your time. I realise that most funerals are set for only a few days away, so it’s a tight schedule. But if you’re not one to sit down and smash it out in one go, do a bit every day until you’re happy.
Don’t be afraid to write a terrible first draft. Just get it all down, there’s plenty of time for editing. If you get caught up in striving for perfection first round, you can easily find your self stuck and overwhelmed.
Just write rubbish, then polish it up once you’re ready.
Include stories, not just a timeline. As I said, don’t get caught up in chronology. Facts aren’t as interesting as the tales around them.
Prepare yourself. If you are going to be the one reading it (as opposed to someone else, of your celebrant) then I advise practicing it, timing it and printing it out in fabulously large font so you can read it easily on the day. Recommended timing is 5-10 minutes.
Send it to your celebrant if you want any help or to check it over or merely to let them know the general length so they can plan everything else accordingly.
Don’t be afraid to cry or show emotion. You can even have someone standing up there with you for moral support.
Everyone there are rooting for you, so take your time and the space you need to present it just how you’d planned.
Trust yourself. You’ll do an amazing job!