Funeral vs Memorial - The pros and cons
When someone we love dies, we’re often faced with big decisions during one of the hardest times in our lives.
One of the first choices we make is whether to hold a funeral or a memorial.
While they’re both ways to say goodbye, honour a life, and come together in grief and support, they each have their own style, purpose, and vibe.
So, what’s the difference?
And how do you choose what’s right for your person – or even for yourself, if you’re planning ahead?
Let’s break it down:
Memorial held in a hanger with John’s plane as our backdrop.
What’s the Difference Between a Funeral and a Memorial?
A funeral usually happens quite soon after someone dies – typically within a week or two.
It includes the presence of a coffin or casket, often at a funeral home, chapel, church, cemetery or an alternative funeral venue that suits your person’s life.
There might be a viewing beforehand, and there’s usually a formal structure with eulogies, music, readings and a committal (burial or cremation).
A memorial, on the other hand, is a gathering that takes place after the person has been buried or cremated – sometimes weeks or even months later.
There’s no body present, which gives you a bit more freedom with timing, location and style.
It’s generally more about celebrating the life than mourning the death.
The Pros of a Funeral
1. Timely Closure
A funeral happens quickly, giving family and friends a moment to come together soon after the loss.
For many people, this helps with grieving and processing what’s just happened.
2. Formal Rituals Can Help
Rituals, even the traditional ones, can be incredibly comforting.
Whether it's religious or not, having a structure can provide guidance during a time when you’re probably feeling a bit lost.
3. Saying Goodbye in Person
There’s something powerful about being physically near the deceased – for some, seeing the body or being part of the burial or cremation helps things feel more real.
4. Often Covered by Insurance
If the person had a funeral plan or insurance, the costs might already be sorted, taking the financial burden off the family.
The Cons of a Funeral
1. It Can Feel Rushed
You don’t have much time to plan – and grief can cloud your thinking.
Decisions can feel overwhelming when you’re in shock or still processing the loss.
2. Limited Locations
Because the body is present, you’re often tied to a funeral home, church or cemetery, and the options might not reflect the person’s personality or favourite place.
3. Can Be Expensive
Let’s not sugar-coat it: funerals can cost a fair whack.
Between the casket, hearse, venue hire and staff, it can get up into the thousands real quick.
4. It Can Be Emotionally Intense
Having the body present can be helpful for some, but distressing for others, everyone is different.
The Pros of a Memorial
1. Flexibility With Time and Place
Want to hold the event on their birthday, at their favourite beach, or in a few months when everyone’s had a chance to travel? Go for it. Memorials are super flexible, which gives you time to breathe and plan something meaningful.
2. Creative Freedom
Because you’re not limited by tradition or a funeral director’s schedule, you can personalise the memorial however you like – think picnics, slide shows, live music, candles, storytelling, or even a group hike in nature.
3. Often More Affordable
Without the need for a coffin, hearse or formal venue, memorials are generally cheaper.
You might only need to book a park or a hall, and do catering your own way.
4. Focuses on Celebration
Memorials tend to feel more like a celebration of life. People often share laughs, memories, photos, and stories, which can be really healing.
The Cons of a Memorial
1. No Physical Goodbye
For some, not having the body there can feel like something’s missing.
The sense of finality might be harder to grasp without that visual or physical moment of farewell.
2. Less Tradition, Which Can Be Tricky
Not everyone finds comfort in flexibility. Some families like the structure and ritual that comes with a funeral, and may feel lost without it.
3. Can Be Overlooked
Because it’s later, some people might skip it or forget it’s happening.
Funerals usually attract more guests, simply because they happen right after the death and feel more ‘expected’.
4. Potential Delays
If you wait too long, people might start to move on, and the emotional impact may not hit the same.
That said, a well-timed memorial can still pack a punch.
So, Which One Should You Choose?
Here’s where it really depends on the person you’re honouring – and the family they leave behind.
If they were someone who valued tradition, or you think their community needs that time-honoured moment of mourning, a funeral might be the way to go.
If they were more of a free spirit, or if you’re after something casual, creative, or a bit out of the box (pardon the pun) – then a memorial could be the perfect fit.
And hey, you can always do both.
Some people hold a small private funeral for close family, followed by a memorial later for extended friends, workmates, and community members.
Do It Your Way
In Australia, we’re seeing a growing trend towards personalised memorials and less formal farewells.
Backyard gatherings, surf-paddle-outs, and celebrations at pubs, clubs or parks are becoming more popular.
We’re realising that saying goodbye doesn’t have to be stiff or sombre – it can be beautiful, unique, and full of love.
Whether you choose a funeral, a memorial, or a bit of both – make sure it feels right for the people involved.
There’s no rulebook here. It’s your goodbye, and it should reflect the life being honoured.
Choosing between a funeral and a memorial isn’t about right or wrong – it’s about what feels authentic, respectful, and healing.
At the end of the day, it’s not about the venue or the rituals – it’s about connection, love, and honouring the story of someone’s life.
So, take your time, trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to do things a little differently.
After all, we Australians aren’t exactly known for sticking to the rulebook.
Want help planning a meaningful send-off – with a celebrant who gets it?
Whether you’re going the traditional route or planning something one-of-a-kind, reach out and let’s make it amazing.